Set back

So, at the moment my family and I are in the middle of a life altering process that involves 1. selling our home, 2. me quitting my job, 3. our children saying goodbye to their school and kindergarten, 4. selling most of the stuff we own, 5. saying goodbye to friends and family, and when all that is done; 6. moving to the other side of the planet. We are slowly, but surely moving towards having everything ready for our departure.

And then suddenly this week, right before our beautiful apartment was ready to be put on the market, a pipe started leaking in our bathroom, dripping through the ceiling to our underneath neighbours. It looks like we have to get a new floor in the bathroom, and I am honestly feeling very discouraged by the whole thing.

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Now, we have lived here for five years. And we absolutely love our home. It is beautiful and spacious and extremely central. When we first decided that we wanted to move to Bali, I was very hesitant about selling the apartment, and we were discussing whether we should keep it and just rent it out, because it is such a special place with an amazing atmosphere. However, we decided that selling the apartment is the right thing to do, because liberating ourself and working on our ability to detach ourselves from physical belongings is a big part of this journey. But I must admit that it has been hard for me to come to terms with having to let go of this beautiful place. It is definitely the best home I have ever lived in.

Anyway, before I drift away in homeliness-romance, let’s get back to the leak. We have never before had any leaks in our home. So why now? This feels like a huge obstacle and I am trying to make sense of why this is happening right now. Is there a reason for it? Are we not supposed to move? My head is full of thoughts – and I haven’t been able to sleep very much this week, which has given me a lot of time to think!
Of course I have no idea why this is happening right now, just when everything was ready for going online with the apartment, but making sense of it feels important. One could argue that this is just one of those things that happens, that stuff like this is our of our hands. But I feel that the way we think about things and our energies affect what happens around us, especially when things happen at a time like this to a home that you love, but are getting ready to let go.

Let me elaborate on my thoughts that might seem rather “new age” and fluffy by an example of a previous experience. A couple of years ago I was going to India with a colleague and a group of students. We were going to Kerala, and would be away from home for 11 days. My youngest son was at the time two years old, and even though I was excited about going because I love travelling, I could feel that having to leave him was very hard for me. And when the day for my departure came, and my airport taxi came to pick me up, I wasn’t at all emotionally ready for leaving him. But I did; I kissed goodbye and waved from the street and got into the taxi, but I couldn’t stop crying, which was unusual, because I have been away from my family on many occasions before (I even went to Sri Lanka the year before when my youngest was just 11 months old, and both he and I managed fine). Anyway, to make a long story short, our plane for India was unable to get in the air; there was some sort of a problem with it. So after spending the entire day in the airport we were sent home again, and booked for a new flight the following afternoon. And funnily that was exactly what I needed; after spending a nice evening with my family and keeping my youngest son home from nursery the next day, I was emotionally ready to leave. And so I went, and the trip was amazing.
Of course I am not suggesting that I had something to do with the plane not being able to take off – and trust me, spending a day in the airport with a frustrated group of students was not exactly great. But somehow, the disruption made me ready to detach myself from my family for the period of the journey.

I have the feeling that what is happening now is similar. I have had a very hard time getting used to the thought of letting this place go. I am very attached to it – actually we all are. And maybe this disruption will allow me to detach myself and get emotionally ready for the move? Of course the leak is a pain, there is nothing good to say about that. But my energy has been blocked; I have really not been emotionally clarified. Deep down I know that making this move is the right thing for us to do. It just feels SO right on so many levels. And this obstacle might just be a random bump on the road, but maybe it is a way of shaking up an emotional blockage and allowing good energy to flow and things to start moving in the right direction. I sure hope so!

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